


Three lifetimes

by valentine192



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Art, Cheating, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Piano, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Reincarnation, Supernatural Elements, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-08 06:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1930491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valentine192/pseuds/valentine192
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two different souls, two different people, two different passions, yet they belong to three different time periods. Loki, a painter who knows the secret of his own past, and Thor, a college student who just wanted to fix that darkness he himself created in his own past. For each life, they would meet and fall in love, yet they would separate. Their souls are yearning for one another, but can this lifetime bring them together once and for all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tinder

**Author's Note:**

> I'm experimenting with this kind of writing so forgive me if it's well.... slow at times. I want the reader to feel what the character is feeling, especially Loki's character. There would also be (I think) a lot of times where you'd go all "the hell...?" coz I'll be leaving a lot of open spots here that'll be answered in succeeding chapters. :)
> 
> I'm also based in the Philippines right now so Loki (who's.... well, American here) and Thor (Australian) will be having a lot of scenes in the Philippines.

The clock struck 12:46am.

Loki stood quietly in the middle of his dark studio. The lamp at the corner lit the room, albeit lightly, and the laptop that was on the table by the wall played Jason Mraz's _Only Human._ Loki swayed to the music, humming the tune, whilst staring at the painting that was sitting on the easel in front of him. The painting, which he nicknamed _Blue,_ was blue in all definitions of the color. The background was blue, the woman in the painting also had blue skin, and the lips were of a dark blue as well, and it looked depressed. Loki belted out, "Only human! Yes we are!" then he placed his hand against his lips as he forgot that people were already sleeping. Nevertheless, he stared at the painting. Then he looked down at his shirtless body and laughed when he saw the blue paint streaking against his pale chest. He was a messy painter, but he always felt this sense of freedom when covered with paint. So he sighed in relief. As the song played, he stared at the yellow eyes of his painting. Then he reached for his cell phone by the table which had an app to control his iTunes. Loki clicked next and the song _Save Me_ by Bo Bruce started playing. Loki's smile softened as he mouthed the lyrics. _I think of you, and all you've done. Tell me do you see me now, or have I...._ Loki closed his lips as he continued to stare at his painting. He said, "There is something missing. Talk to me, Blue." Then, he laughed. "I'm going crazy, but all the greats are crazy. Michelangelo once said that he sculpted to free the souls that were inside those slabs of marble. Tell me, Blue, are you a lost soul?" Loki placed his long, soft fingers against the rough painted skin of Blue. Then, he heard a whisper say, _yes._ Loki pulled away and stared in great horror at the painting. Then, he laughed. "I truly have gone mad..." then, his whole body stilled. An idea came to his head, but that idea had no words and no form. It was just an idea and he knew what to do, but at the same time he did not. He continued to sing the words to the song, _Talk to me... Talk to me... Please don't go. You told me to let go, and I had my eyes closed._ And when he stopped, he stared at his masterpiece.

Blue's eyes were sad, depressing, but it looked majestic with her long lashes and bright, glowing yellow eyes. However, the black tears that slid down her cheeks emphasized the depression that embraced the beauty. Loki smiled and said, "You are done. You are you, and I am you." Then Loki laughed. "I truly.... truly... have gone mad."

Loki fell asleep that night covered in blue paint, and he ran to his next job the next day with blue paint still covering his pale skin.

+

Thor woke up to a beautiful woman putting on her clothes. Thor groaned and rubbed his head, asking, "Were there more than two of us last night?"

The woman glared at Thor and said, "Of course, and you just called all of us as disgusting harlots five minutes earlier."

Thor stared at the woman and said, "I never use that word."

"Because you are fully awake now. Goodbye, Thor." The woman took her bag and left Thor alone in the room. However, Thor was used to this. That woman and the others who were with them were just part of his adventures of one night stands.

Thor stood up and shivered as coldness surrounded his naked body. The room was a mess with things on the floor and the cushions of the sofa on the floor. Thor rubbed the back of his head and said, "Fun night, but something's still missing." Thor walked to the window and opened it. He stared down at the busy street of this country that was so foreign to him, a country that he picked because he wanted to leave Australia. The Philippines. He convinced his friends to go with him so that they could go scuba diving, but all that he has done was get drunk and sleep with the exotic women who threw themselves at his feet. Thor sighed and closed the curtains. A feeling of dread washed through him. He walked to his cell phone and dialed Fandral's number. When Fandral answered, Thor asked, "Where are you?"

"Subic," said Fandral. "We went here two days ago and you decided to stay over there at Manila. Are you at our hotel?"

Thor shook his head. "No. I... well, I went to another hotel last night."

Fandral sighed. "I can't do anything about it, Thor. We know you. Just be careful."

"I'm twice the size of these people."

"You're twice the size of _any_ person, Thor."

Thor laughed and said, "I'll go back to our hotel now. Maybe get some tunes and write a song. The Wimbledon is up."

"Yeah."

"See you when you get back from your trip."

The call ended and Thor brought himself to the hotel where he originally was staying. His father would kill him if he knew of his escapades, but what could his father do? His father was all the way down at Australia. He went to the Philippines to escape him and all the responsibilities, and not to worry about how his father would scold him when he returned.

Thor took a taxi to travel back to his hotel, and as he handed the bills, he quickly left as the taxi driver stared at him with such surprise for Thor paid double - no, triple - the amount needed. The taxi driver smiled in gratitude, and Thor could feel the smile from behind him but he dared not look back. He was lucky, he should learn how to share. That's what he thought, but he always found it embarrassing to be thanked for his gratitude for he has always been showered by money.

Inside his suite, Thor took a paper, his guitar, and jumped on his bed. He turned on the TV to watch the Wimbledon, and when commercial came, he would write his songs. When boredom struck him, he decided to make a profile from the controversial app, Tinder. He was bored, and the lack of company was eating him alive. He has always been scared to be alone.

+

11:42pm

Loki's face was pale, his arms hanging limply on his sides. His coffee mug that was on the table beside him has turned brown already because he already drank twenty seven cups of coffee, but, still, he needed more. He turned to the clock and regarded the time as being a distraction for it told him to sleep. He has been awake since six am because of his other work as a piano and art teacher, and his book was just laying at the corner of his head for he could not write just yet. He had to finish the exhibit. But his hair stuck to his scalp. He hasn't taken a shower in two days and he was starting to smell. He was not one who to forget his hygiene either, but painting always made him this way.

Loki groaned and stared at the painting on his easel. He nicknamed it Red because of the red background and red hair, but the eyes had no pupils for it was a glowing white. The woman was not even human. Instead, it was a marble statue that was breaking but people did not seem to get it. All they saw was something creepy and it unnerved Loki. He drank his cup of coffee and almost shouted, "Do they not see the pain? They just see the creepy and look away! This is what you get from humanity. They turn their backs on pain, forgetting that everyone goes through it." Loki put the cup down and sat on the sofa that was near the table that had his laptop. Loki fidgeted with his phone and changed the song once. Twice. Thrice. And more until he landed to Macklemore's _Same Love._ Loki sighed, closed his eyes, and threw his head back as he mouthed the words. _Tears rushing down my face... It's all in my head...You can be cured with some treatment and religion... and I can't change even if I try._ Loki opened his eyes that glazed with tears. The corner of his lips curved up and he said, "I am only twenty two yet I feel as if I do not belong in this life. I feel old." Loki stared at the painting then turned his eyes to Blue which was leaning on the wall. Loki took his phone and murmured, "I am damn lonely," as he stared at his phone's wallpaper which was a picture of Blue. Loki sighed again and decided to download Tinder. He said, "I do not belong in this country anyways. I never did. Maybe... No. Love is for the stupid. Sex is for the hungry. I just want to bullshit some useless oaf."

And so Loki started _Tindering._ He liked some, he disliked some, he never messaged any. Instead, every time someone "liked" him back, he would smile, thinking, "Maybe I do have something, but maybe these men are just desperate." So Loki ignored all of it and showered. When he was drying his hair, he stared at the clock in his room. The lights were still on and the TV was showing some documentary about crime. Loki has always enjoyed investigations. He found it something worthwhile compared to all the other, in his words, crap on TV. But Loki was paying no attention to the show as he was thinking, "I have only three hours to sleep. After work tomorrow, I'll rest. That's for sure." Loki closed the lights and sat on his bed. He kept the TV on but when he took his phone, he saw messages from around five men, all from Tinder.

 **Patrick:** Hey :)

 **Paul:** Hey

 **Franz:** :-)

 **Donny:** Hey there!

Because of boredom and loneliness, Loki replied to all of those men. However, the next message made him laugh.

 **Thor:** So what, are we, like, dating now or something? I'm new to this.

Loki woke up with what Thor sent him that he cracked up laughing. He replied to him: Maybe?

Then, he fell asleep.

+

The next day, when Thor woke up, his friends were on the floor with food and soda as they watched _Game of Thrones._ They were all quiet until Fandral gasped for some man got killed Sif rolled her eyes and lightly punched the man's shoulder. "Everyone dies," said she. "Why be surprised?" Fandral tried to say something but Volstagg noticed that Thor was awake that he greeted his newly woken friend.

Hogun smiled at Thor and said, "No woman yesterday?"

Thor rubbed the back of his head and said, "No. I was watching the Wimbledon. Why are you here? I thought that you were still in that.... that place."

Volstagg said, "Subic."

Fandral stretched his arms up and said, "There's this big party tonight. Want to come along?"

Thor shrugged his shoulders and said, "There'll be booze so let's do it." Thor reached for his phone and saw that the only man, and the only one, he liked in Tinder (who also liked him back) replied. It made Thor smile and it somehow made his heart flutter. He replied, "Is that a yes?"

In less than a minute, he received another reply: "Maybe."

It made Thor laugh. So he talked to Loki, and soon their conversation moved to Viber, and soon the conversation ended for Loki had to go to his work which Thor believed to be the studio to paint. When Thor put his phone down, he realized that they have been talking for six hours. And when Sif came in asking him to eat with them, Thor just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'm not hungry," and plopped into his bed. But his stomach churned loudly that Sif's eyebrow rose. Thor smiled and Sif laughed.

"I know that face!" said Sif. "Were you talking to a woman?"

Thor shook his head and grinned even wider.

Sif stiffened. "Your father will not be pleased."

"Who cares?" said Thor. "As long as I'm not the one being fucked, it doesn't matter to me."

Sif rolled her eyes and reminded Thor, "Don't forget your last boyfriend."

"Odin practically murdered us both, but it was fun to fuck on his bed. He still does not know that."

+

Loki closed the lights of his room and locked the door. He leaned on the headboard of his bed and took a deep breath. It would be the first time that he would be doing this, but it interested him. He needed answers. His paintings were disturbing him. But there were warnings such as "Don't do this alone," but Loki was alone at that moment. It was one of his painting days so he isolated himself from his many friends that he did not realize were a handful.

Loki stared at his laptop and stared at the name of the video which said, "Past Life Regression," a meditation which would take him back in time. Psychologists told him to do these things with a professional for he might become stuck, but Loki read more and read that this types of things weren't that dangerous for it was meditation and not hypnosis.

Headphones were placed against Loki's ears so that he would not get distracted. He relaxed and played the video while laughing to himself, "I truly have gone mad. I'm attempting to see my old life."

+

_A door was in front of Loki. He reached for it and stepped in. He was surrounded by darkness and his eyes grew heavy. The video told him to look at his feet, so he looked down. He was dirty, unbelievably dirty, as if he has not showered in three months and thrown into mud. That was how dirty he was. When he looked at his whole body, everything else was dirty as well. And he had long chestnut hair that reached the small of his back. He had breasts and was wearing a dress. Loki gasped and thought, "I was a woman?"_

_The video asked, "how old are you?"_

_Loki answered without another thought. "19."_

_"What year is it?"_

_"1944." Loki gasped and the tears started falling from his eyes._

_The video asked, "Are you outside or inside? How does it look like?"_

_Loki gasped. The surrounding started to grow flames and there were buildings. The sky was red and black._

_The video asked, "Are there people?"_

_"Yes!" shouted Loki for people started appearing as they ran everywhere. They were panicking, and there were soldiers with guns and bayonets. People were screaming and there was blood. Violence. Rage. Suffering. Loki fell on his -well, her- knees and hugged herself. The soldiers were everywhere and it were the soldiers which were scaring her._

_The video asked, "Is there someone here you know? Look around."_

_"Yes! My father is here! He's one of the soldiers!" Loki shivered but he could not see his father's face. He just knew that his father was one of the soldiers. "Enough!"_

_The video said, "Let us move 20 years into this lifetime."_

_The scene changed. From darkness, there was light. Loki was still clean, but he was still in the body of a girl. When the video started to ask questions, nothing formed around Loki. He was still embraced by this light. Then, the video asked Loki to repeat. "I forgive everything and everyone in this life..." and after that small incantation, Loki walked back to the door._

_+_

_Another door was in front of Loki. The carvings were beautiful and the doorknob felt warm . The whole door was made of gold. When he entered it, he was covered in darkness yet again. When asked to look down at his feet, he was surprised to see that he was clean, but he was small. He was a small girl. As the voice in the video asked questions, the scene started to form._

_It was the 18th century and he was a 13 year old girl who was writing something as the candle beside him flickered. Behind him was his -or, her- mother who felt like a demonic figure for horns slowly appeared on her head as a dark smile came to her face. Loki just continue writing, as if afraid to look at his mother but he knew that he loved her. But what was happening? He could not understand._

_Then the voice said to go twenty years later._

_From being in a small, dark room, Loki was in a ballroom that glowed in bright lights and gold. He was wearing a long gown and he was beautiful. Also, he was in love. He was dancing with this man who would smile at him, a man who made him remember his first love._

_Loki hated Tony, but in that life, he was in love and they were happy together. They escaped into the corridors, then into the library, and engaged in such passionate acts. Loki did not want to let go. He did not want to leave. He wanted Tony to love him like that. He wanted that happiness, but then the voice in the video asked him to leave. When Loki heard that, he remembered that the man in front of him, though not having Tony's features, was still Tony. Loki left that time._

_+_

_Another door was in front of Loki. It's carvings were more beautiful, but it was not made of gold. When he entered it, though, he was surrounded by trees. His skin, from pale white, became that of a tender brown. He was tall again, and skinny, but still a woman. Body paint adored his body, furs covered his skin, and his hair was long and thick. He was somewhere in the pacific, and he did not know what year it was but it was old._

_Loki laughed, "Am I a tribal woman? Why have I not been a guy yet?"_

_He was twenty-three in this life, though, and he was running around. His hair flew in the wind and he would jump into the sea. Loki internally screamed when he did it for he was not that much adventurous, but when he fell into the water and came out, it felt wonderful. Then, it turned night. He was leaning against a tree and a man was on top of him. It felt as if he knew the man, but at the same time he felt as if he has not seen the man just yet. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. They were making love. Loki moaned and the man's face was covered, but they were both in love._

_Twenty years later, Loki was alone. Then, he was standing face to face with himself, with his past. He was still in his tribal woman form, and so was the person in front of him. However, the woman did not seem happy anymore. She was angry and she wanted Loki to leave. She said nothing, though, but her glare said everything. She stood with such proud that Loki did not want to leave. He said, "I need to know more! What happened to you? To us? Was it that man?" The woman, or Loki, just stared at Loki with such anger. Then, Loki noticed that there was a child behind the woman's legs. The child was hiding and the woman was protecting the child. Loki wanted to reach for her and tell her to not be afraid, but the voice started calling for Loki. Unlike the two other lives where Loki walked back to the door, Loki did not want to leave. He wanted to stay. He wanted to know more. But the voice called, and so Loki was pulled out of that time. Loki thrashed and scream, "Not yet! I need to know more! No! Please!"_

_+_

Loki's eyes opened. Tears stained his face. His questions were answered. He felt as if he was at peace. However, he also wanted more answers.

Loki turned the lights of his room on and he ran to his small studio that was at the same apartment. He stared at the three paintings and said, "I finally know the three of you! You!" He pointed at Blue. "You're Ysabella." He pointed at Red, "Maria, I am sorry for what happened." Then, he turned to the newest one who he nicknamed Mother Nature, and said, "I do not know your name, but I know you."

A smile crept upon Loki's face. "I feel wonderful, and now I know more. You three, truly, are me as I am you." Loki fell against the floor and stared at the easel where Mother Nature was sitting on. He said, "Stop being so angry!" Then, he looked at Maria and said, "Our secret is horrible. I wonder if I can tell people _this_ secret." Loki hugged his knees to his chest and smiled at Ysabella. "I'll keep us safe. Some will know this secret, but people will call us crazy if they know."

+

Thor woke up at noon, as usual. The TV was still on and it was showing replays of the Wimbledon. Thor smiled and stretched his arms and legs. When he turned to his side, he saw his beloved guitar. Then, he saw a small note that said, "In case you forgot, you disappeared last night from the party. We found you in a motel with this girl. She called us from your phone because you were screaming in your sleep. We went out for lunch too. Call us if you want something. There's food in the ref."

Thor groaned and covered his eyes over his head. It was his secret, but he had that dream again. It was his dream that made him thrash at night, it was also during that dream that he would push his bedmates away and call them names. He usually blamed it on alcohol, but he knew better. He just did not know how to say it. _Hey, I called you a harlot because I was having that nightmare and I tend to wake up and push people away without being aware of it._ Thor screamed and grabbed his phone to open his Viber. He wanted to message Loki, to greet him a good morning, but why was it that Loki was the one who entered his head? He has never met the guy. They just talked and met on Tinder. Nothing more. But as Thor stared into Loki's picture, which was a simple one with Loki sitting against a tree as a mischievous smile graced his lips, Thor started to feel angry but why? He did not know. He could not understand.

In a few minutes, Thor deleted his Tinder because of that one man named Loki, but he kept his Viber in hopes that Loki would still message him. He wanted yet despised the man.

+

That night, when Loki finished all his work, he opened his Tinder for he wanted to see Thor's face. However, Thor was not in his history anymore, nor in his messages. Either Thor unmatched with him, or Thor deleted his Tinder. Loki frowned and threw his phone to the bed. He thought, _What did I do wrong for him to unmatch with me? I actually thought that I could... never mind. Never trust dating apps._ Loki walked into his studio and played the song, _Alive,_ by Bo Bruce. He took his paintbrush and started painting. The color that he picked: green.

+

_Thor's dream._

_Thor was somewhere in the Pacific and he was part of this tribe. He was covered in body paint and deemed the strongest of them all. He was covered in golden glory. However, there was only one who he wanted, and that was the woman who was disliked by everyone. Thor did not know her name, but he loved her. She kept to herself, though, and was filled with secrets. She would openly speak of her hatred for the people, but that did not stop him. He pursued the woman and, soon, they fell in love. But something happened. Thor did not know what happened, but all of the sudden the woman was crying and Thor only blamed himself. He never approached her, though, he just watched her cry before running away._

+

Thor had his shades on and so did Loki. They were both in the same airport. The Australian was wearing red while the painter was wearing a thin, green shirt. Thor enjoyed the heat that the Philippines had to offer, Loki, however, despised it. The two were walking towards each other, but both were looking down at their itineraries. They bumped shoulders. Thor opened his mouth to apologize to the man, but Loki just kept walking forward without another thought. Thor closed his mouth. Feeling no offense, Thor continued his walk. Thor was returning to Australia while Loki was going to South Korea because of his other job that was _not_ painting.


	2. $700

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were supposed to separate, but destiny has its ways to bring the souls together again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... from painting to piano, Loki here is a mystery to be unraveled. If you are wondering how the hell he manages to do all of these things, it's because he's still connected to his past lives in a way

Chapter 2

+

Thor stopped moving after he passed through immigration for he could hear some people arguing. He turned to his left and saw this beautiful, pale man sitting on a bench while surrounded by some guards. The man had his arms crossed in front of his chest and he was snarling at the supervisor who he was talking to. Curious and worried, Thor moved to them. Someone took his arm, though, and when he turned, Hogun was glaring at him. "Don't get involved," said Hogun.

"Yeah," said Volstagg, "We can't forget what happened last time. Your father flipped when he saw your bloody nose."

Thor pulled his hand away and said, "I want to help!"

Sif scowled. "Before you help others, help yourself first."

Thor frowned at the woman. "What are you trying to tell me, Sif?"

"You sleep with numerous people on a daily basis," said Fandral, "and you constantly drown in alcohol, and you have nightmares." Thor stiffened for those nightmares were his secret. When Fandral noticed Thor's sudden show of fear, Fandral said, "You scream while you're asleep and you thrash around and you punched my eye once."

Thor waved his hand and said, "I am a stubborn brute. Go now and I shall follow."

"Whatever you say," said Sif. "If you need help, call daddy dearest."

Thor rolled his eyes and walked over to the man.

Loki, who was currently arguing with the man, turned to Thor and frowned for the man seemed familiar. Thor smiled at Loki, though, and when the supervisor noticed Thor, the supervisor stopped in his words. Thor sat beside Loki and asked the supervisor, "What's the problem here, sir?"

The supervisor showed Loki's passport and papers and said, "He cannot leave because he does not have the proper papers."

Loki slammed his hand on the table and said, "I have all the proof! When I left the United States to go to this country, they just asked for proof and I gave them proof! You have my birth certificate, my baptismal certificate, and a copy of my old passport! I did not renounce my citizenship here!"

Thor scratched the back of his head. "You're Filipino?" he asked Loki.

"Yes!" Loki shouted. "I was born here but my parents are American. If you are wondering why I have an English accent, it's because my parents are American citizens but they were born and raised in Britain. If you are wondering why I don't sound remotely Filipino, it's because I was raised mostly in the United States." He glared back at the guard. "I have been coming here time and time again and I have never met this problem before!"

Thor placed his hand against Loki's shoulder and said, "Let me handle this."

Loki frowned at Thor but he was desperate to leave. Thor squeezed Loki's shoulder and asked to talk to the supervisor in private. Loki snarled and crossed his legs together. That's when he received a text message telling him to, "Get away from them." Loki glanced at the guards surrounding him. They were all staring at him but Loki was too proud to be intimidated. He just stood up and walked to the corner. The guards stopped looking and Loki called his connection.

"Yes, uncle," whispered Loki, "that's the name of the supervisor. I already gave him all the reasons and whatnot, and he's asking for $700 for overstaying fee. It's not my fault that my dad lost my Filipino passport! It's also not my fault that I'm here! I wanted to stay in the United States!"

"Loki, stop shouting!" said his uncle through the phone. "I'm trying to call all my connections but they said that the supervisor you have right there is very strict. No one can get past him. And $700? That's too much. I'll try to call my other friends, just stay away from the guards. You might get deported back to the US."

"I would rather have that than stay here."

"Loki," said the uncle in a scolding manner.

"Fine."

"I'll call you later."

The call ended and Loki walked around the small space for he could not exactly leave the place. The supervisor had his papers and the guards were giving him suspicious looks again. Loki frowned and snarled at them, thinking, _Do they not know who I am? If I were to bring out all my connections, they would cower at my feet! I wish that all of them die a gruesome death! LET THAT HAPPEN!_ Loki turned around then stiffened. He turned to the guards again and said, _No! Don't make that happen! I take my words back! Just let them feel my anger!_ Loki turned away again for their eyes started to soften at him. Loki sighed, _Why is this not working on the supervisor? It's working on the rest._

Minutes later, Thor returned with the supervisor. Thor was still talking but he, too, seemed flustered and mad. They went to the counter which said, "Cashier," and Loki followed. When he reached them, he saw Thor take out some bills. Loki watched them in silence and computed the amount of money he said. _$700._ Loki's eyes widened. When Thor, the supervisor, and the cashier finished, they turned to Loki. Thor was still frowning and the supervisor returned Loki's papers, saying, "When you return, you will have no problems since you have proof that you are Filipino. They will simply stamp you as _balikbayan_ again but you would need to have your passport within the year."

Loki frowned and decided not to answer anymore. He just said, "Thank you."

When the supervisor left, Loki pulled Thor to a corner and asked, "Why did you do that? I don't even know... Thor?"

Thor raised an eyebrow and said, "You know me? Usually people know my father and not me."

Loki shook his head and refused to reveal that they met in Tinder for his heart suddenly beat faster. He ignored it, though, and decided to stay angry. "Why did you pay him the money?"

Thor shrugged his shoulders. "That's just change for me. Not that I'm being boastful or that I think high of myself, I just wanted to help you since you seem to need to leave already. Also, he would not be swayed. I even called my father and whatnot, and all my other connections as well. He just would not be swayed. Pity, really. It was tiring to make all those calls too and I had to dig up every knowledge I learned from university."

Loki's chest heaved. He has always refused to receive help especially from a stranger. It made him feel weak.

Thor, noticing Loki's annoyance, felt slightly offended. However, he refused to acknowledge it for he was not supposed to get involved in the first place. So Thor tried to change the subject. "It's hot here in the Philippines, right?" Thor pushed his sleeves up and Loki stiffened when he saw Thor's shoulders. It was a weird fear of Loki, something that he always thought of as unnerving and peculiar. However, after his travel back to his past, he realized why seeing men's shoulders made him scared. He thought that the travel would have fixed it, but apparently no.

"Listen, I am thankful for what you did," said Loki, "but I want to pay you back."

"No," said Thor, "that was nothing. Just accept it."

" _No,"_ said Loki more sternly. "$700 is actually nothing to my family either. It is just atrocious to be billed that much and our pride won't bow down to that. Anyways, give me your email." Loki wouldn't ask for his number since he already had it. "I don't have the cash right now, but I'll pay you back."

"No, seriously-"

"I'm a painter who's going to have an exhibit in a few months and I'm expected to earn at least $20,000," said Loki. "What's your email?"

Thor stared at the mention of _painter_ and _exhibit_ for he remembered talking to this man in Tinder about it. And he remembered that that man's name was Loki, and that he had pale skin and dark hair. It finally dawned on Thor. This was the man who he was talking to in Tinder, the man who he spent six hours just talking to because it felt right. But Thor wondered, _Did Loki not recognize him?_ He forgot about how Loki knew his name. So Thor just thought, _Maybe no. Let's not reveal it,_ for he found it embarrassing. He was never fond of dating sites or dating apps. Thor took out a piece of paper from the notebook he kept in his backpack and wrote his email before handing it to Loki who pushed the paper into his wallet.

"I'll meet you again, I don't know where but we'll meet again," said Loki. "I'll pay you then."

Thor nodded and they both bid their farewells. Thor going to Australia to return to his university life, and Loki to South Korea to meet with one of his old managers.

+

Months later... Australia...

Thor was having lunch with his parents and it was a normal day. Odin wasn't angry at Thor, and Thor has managed to keep his shenanigans to a low - he did not come home when drunk (he went to Fandral's apartment), and he did not bring home any more of his one night stands (there were motels from that), and he did not empty his bank account (he got a job and made a new one behind his father's back).

Frigga clapped her hands and told Thor, "We are leaving for the Philippines in a month, dear."

Thor nodded and swallowed his steak. "That's great, mother. Have fun with father."

Odin laughed. "You are coming with us."

"Huh?" said Thor. "Why?" His chest tightened as if his soul was excited and nervous to return to that country.

"For an art exhibit," said Frigga. "My friend has an exhibit there, and her nephew is having his first show. She was so excited and she showed me some of his paintings. In a way, it reminded me of Van Gogh because of his strokes and the depressed atmosphere. Despite the sadness, though, the colors are always alive and full of life. It's a beautiful contrast that shows the fight between pain and happiness."

Thor groaned. "I don't want to go anywhere that'll make me depressed."

Odin glared at Thor. "You will go. I don't trust you to be alone here without us. You might stain our bed again."

Frigga turned red and Thor laughed. "You knew?" he laughed even louder that the servants in the kitchen sighed.

+

The doors were closed, the curtains covered the exhibit. There were already people outside and the piano was ready for him. A buffet has even been placed but Loki was scared to start the exhibit. He just stood in the middle of all of his paintings and stared at each and every one of them. Though he was not able to travel back to the past, he knew that all of the portraits were him and they all had their stories. Loki laughed, though, for there were many of them and he could not believe that one could be reincarnated that much. He asked his soul, _Were you forbidden entry to heaven? But why? You have lived so many lives, why are you still not ready?_ Of course, Loki received on answer. He just bid farewell to his paintings for he felt as if he was giving a part of himself away.

Loki walked to the doors and opened it. No one applauded yet, though, for there was no announcement of who he was. Loki just opened the doors and removed the curtains, and the exhibit officially started. Loki greeted his family, but of course his parents were not there nor was his siblings for they had school and the other was in the US. Oh, how he was jealous to return home. Loki sat by the black grand piano and started playing one classical song after another. He watched the people go around and look at the different portraits. The exhibit would go on for two weeks, and after that the remaining paintings that would not be sold will stay in the gallery available for anyone who would want it. Loki sighed. He felt happy for he was making something of himself, but he was also worried about what people would think.  He already knew which painting was popular and he already knew which one would be sold first. Some people were awed by his paintings, and some stared. Loki did not know if it was because they felt the sadness, the anger, or if they were simply scared by some.

In front of Loki and the piano was his painting who he called Mother Nature, it was one of his older souls that he was able to visit, the one who was angry at him (or himself). A number of people looked at it, but then a tall Caucasian came over and stared at it. Loki found himself staring at the man's wide shoulders and tall height. He felt as if he knew the man before, but the man was wearing a tux and Loki could not figure out who the man was. He had blond hair which was tied in a small pony at the base of his head. Loki shrugged as he continued to play the song, _Time Forgets._ Loki noticed, though, that he was losing concentration. Even if his timing and notes were still perfect, the emotion was disappearing. So Loki closed his eyes and said the words that he always told himself before he would engage in anything artistic. _God is watching me. He gave me this talent for something, gave me my troubles for something, and this strength for something. He has forgiven me, has loved me, and so I am playing for him in the same way that I am playing for myself. In the future, I shall bring change, but as I play, I play for no one but God and myself. Entertain your maker, entertain yourself, and free your soul._ Every time Loki said that, he would laugh for he never was one to go to church. He was religious and spiritual in his own _magical_ way.

Loki opened his eyes as he entered that state. His eyes were only half open and his body started moving. He would throw his head back, or throw it to the side. Despite the graceful music, Loki's movements were strong and dynamic. He would open his lips to make a small gasp, and he would take deep breaths. He would throw his body forward, and throw it to the side. His arms moved up gracefully, and it would land back with such tender strength.

Thor turned and saw Loki playing. He stilled for he never expected to see the man again. Then, everything seemed to turn dark except for Loki as Thor found himself concentrating on the man who was making love to the piano. Thor, who has been exposed to the arts since he was young, has never seen anyone make love to an instrument in the same way that Loki has. Loki threw his head back and Thor stared at Loki's neck. Thor licked his lips and found himself wondering how that neck would taste underneath his lips.

When Loki finished, his body calmed down as if he just had his orgasm. The song ended, and another song started. Loki closed his eyes and the dance started again. Thor stopped looking at the paintings and just watched Loki.

After a number of songs, Loki was supposed to stop. He did. His vision started to return, (whenever he entered that state, his vision would blur as everything danced around him). Thor appeared in front of Loki and Loki stilled as his eyes widened. He knew that he owed the man money, but since he returned from South Korea, Thor just simply escaped his head.

The two stared at each other with utter surprise. Thor wanted to talk to Loki, to sweep the man off his feet, and Loki wanted to run. He just did not know why.

Loki's aunt came to Loki and made her announcement that the pianist was also the painter of the exhibit. Without another thought, Loki was waltzed away as he met his aunt's friends who he explained his paintings too. Soon, he found himself in front of Odin, Frigga, and Thor. Loki gulped for Thor's gaze was burning into him. Loki explained his paintings to the family, but only a few though for Odin and Frigga only asked about the paintings that they found interesting. When Loki finished, since they were the last ones who was introduced to him, Thor went to Loki and asked if he could explain _every single_ painting in the room. Loki gulped but he succumbed to Thor's wishes.

The last painting who the couple went to was Mother Nature. Loki told the story of the person in the painting, and Thor asked something that the others have been asking him. "How do you know her story? Who is she? Someone famous?"

Loki smiled and wondered if he should answer his default answer which was, _I just do._ However, he decided to tell something different. "She is me. If I were to tell you the truth, then you would call me crazy, but artists are crazy. But all of these portraits of different men and women, they are all me as I am them."

Thor smiled which made Loki stare at him. Thor was supposed to call him crazy or weird or strange or... something. He was not supposed to be amazed.

Thor walked closer to Loki and asked, "Can I take you out for dinner tonight? I would just want to learn more about you. It's not every day that I meet such a big time painter."

Loki wanted to laugh. "Big time painter? Hell no. More like lucky painter."

Thor's smile widened. "So, dinner?"

Loki wanted to say no, but he also wanted to say yes. He sighed and said, "Very well."

+

The restaurant was at one of the most expensive hotels in Manila that Loki was looking around. All kinds of classy people were everywhere and there were expensive steak and wine. While Loki only ordered for a salad, Thor ordered for steak and they both had the restaurant's most expensive wine for it was also Thor's most favorite wine. Loki wanted to laugh and asked, "Why did you bring me here?"

"Because you're a painter, right? I only wanted to bring someone as classy as you to a place as classy as this."

Loki's eyebrow rose. "Though I am fond of these things, I am not fond of such cheesy lines."

Thor laughed for he found Loki amusing and not offensive. He asked, though, "Why salad? You could have had a steak."

The corner of Loki's lips curled into a subtle smirk. "I'm vegetarian, but I do allow myself to eat fish."

"Lovely."

Loki wanted to laugh. "Did you just _lovely_ with an English accent?" Thor grinned, so Loki started to speak with Thor's Australian.

When dinner was over, Thor asked if Loki would walk with him around the hotel's garden. However, instead of walking, Thor brought Loki to the corner of the garden where they would be hidden from the people. He placed his hands on Loki's waist and pushed the man against a tree. Loki gasped and stiffened. The trees shaded them and the roses surrounded them. The light of the moon shone against them and the green in Loki's eyes glistened with unshed tears. Due to the dark, though, Thor did not see it. Instead, he said, "Are you... well, are you okay with this? We were flirting earlier so I'm guessing that you're into guys, but I need to make sure."

"I..." Loki choked on his words, but he still said, "I'm okay."

"Great." Thor leaned in to kiss Loki's lips. Loki stiffened even more and placed his hands against Thor's chest. He wanted Thor to stop but Thor thought that Loki was approving of his advances. Loki's gut started to twist and his chest tightened. He never knew how to say _no,_ even with Tony. Every time this came, Loki would just say _okay_ but he would cry with fear.

When Thor's lips brushed his, Loki closed his eyes. Their lips touched in a gentle kiss and Thor's hands on his waist tightened in a gentle grip. Loki squirmed, but his moaning just encouraged Thor that the Australian deepened the kiss. Loki's eyes opened. He did not know how to respond. Tony always saw Loki's fear that Tony would stop the moment their lips would touch. Thor did not seem to notice, though, but when Thor pushed his tongue to Loki's lips, Thor finally noticed for Loki weakly pushed his chest.

Thor moved away and stared at Loki's eyes which started to cry. Thor gasped and pulled away, asking, "Did I scare you?"

Loki shook his head, but then he nodded. "I... I'm sorry. I know I'm a flirt," and he has had numerous of lovers before. Most of them, however, lasted only for a week for fear would always eat him once the relationship would deepen. Loki would embrace them, but kisses and more sexual advancements brought Loki to his knees. "It's just.... That's it. I only flirt. I'm scared to do these things."

Thor quickly felt angry. Not because of Loki, but because he assumed that someone abused this beautiful man in front of him. He asked, "Did someone violate you before?"

Loki shook his head. "No. All my lovers would stop once they see me scared. Even Tony never pushed for more than just a kiss, but then he looked around."

"Tony?"

"He's American," said Loki as he turned away and embraced himself. "He was nice to me. My first love. But I could not satisfy him. He waited and waited. He grew tired and looked for someone else."

Thor felt his heart ache for he could not imagine anyone hurting this beautiful painter. Thor sat on the grass and asked Loki to sit as well. Loki did and leaned on the tree as he brushed his tears away. Thor wanted to rub it away for him, but he was frightened that he might hurt the man. He just simply asked, "Would you tell me your story?"

Loki laughed. "Depends. What story?"

"I want to know you. Every single thing about you. We keep seeing each other at all these chance meetings. I think that the universe is trying to tell us something."

"Universe... ha." Lok smirked.

"Well..." Thor looked around for he really wanted to know Loki. What was it with this man that made him so comfortable yet so scared? He asked, "Do you do anything else aside from paint and play the piano?"

Loki relaxed underneath the moon's light and said, "Yes, but I don't want to frighten you or think that I am spitting out lies."

"I won't."

"I'm manipulative. You don't."

"I do."

Loki smiled in a rather soft way. So he said it. "I paint, play the piano, write, sing, dance, act, debate, got into Harvard, and I used to play competitive tennis in high school."

"Tennis?" Thor's face lit as the other talents of Loki became lost in his head. "Did you say tennis? Dude, I love tennis!"

So Loki listened to Thor's great obsession over the sport, and Loki found it amusing for tennis used to be a great part of his life.

When the night ended, Thor offered to drive Loki back to his apartment. Loki almost laughed, though, for Thor did not have a car. So Thor offered to accompany him in the taxi. Loki still declined for it was dangerous. So Thor offered a room for Loki to stay at in the hotel. He could not bring Loki to his room that he shared with his parents, though, so Thor was willing to shell out the money again. Loki declined, but Thor insisted and insisted and insisted until he got his way.

+

Loki laid on the bed with a bathrobe that Thor requested. He was naked underneath and Thor sat beside him. They turned the TV on and it was Game of Thrones. Thor quickly found himself glued to the TV as Loki watched with him. It was already 2am. Loki has already showered and Thor was still in his tux. However, they both did not want to say goodnight just yet. Loki told Thor to be comfortable around him, and so Thor leaned on the bed's headboard. Loki yawned. When 3am struck. Loki's head was already on Thor's shoulder as Thor kept watching. Soon, Thor, too, fell asleep.

Thor dreamed again.

_He was standing by a cliff with a woman. They were both covered in body paint and they were screaming. The woman was crying, though, and was threatening to jump. Thor did not know what was happening, but he was telling the woman to jump if she wanted. When the woman moved closer to the edge, though, Thor grabbed her and accidentally pulled her to the ground. The woman groaned in pain and Thor soon found himself on the ground as well, embracing her as she cried. What was happening? Thor was so confused._

_"Why does it hurt?" the woman said, and it was the first time that Thor has ever heard her talk. "It's our festival, but I don't like it! I don't like it when we just open our legs like animals to each other! I don't like their hands on me and I don't like it when you conquer those women!"_

_Thor hushed her, saying, "I never joined, remember? Because when I tried, I felt horrible I just wanted you, but it's our culture."_

_The woman pushed Thor and tried to stand up. "Yes, you can escape but I can't! I'm the daughter of the chief and I'm expected to open my legs like a dog and enjoy the festivities! I don't want to do this anymore! This festival which was supposed to be about fertility, I hate it! I hate it so much! I already have seven children! I love them but I don't want to go through this again! I want to escape!"_

_Thor stood up and embraced the woman. He said, "We shall escape together."_

_Thor thought that he would be able to live with that promise, but when they did escape, he returned to their tribe because he could not live another day without them. However, he suffered without the woman and her numerous children. Years later, he found the woman again. She was still raising her children, but there was another one. One that looked like him. When the woman saw him, the woman tried to push him away. Thor wanted to stay, but the woman was as stubborn as him. So Thor left._

Thor's eyes opened. He was sweating and still in his tux. The TV was still on and he was lying on the bed. On his chest was Loki who was sleeping peacefully. Thor quickly relaxed and thought, _it was just a dream,_ and placed his hand against Loki's back. Somehow, it felt right to be with Loki in such a way.

The two had breakfast together and even lunch, but, alas, Loki had to leave to return to the gallery. Thor followed. He was introduced as only a friend, though, and when night came, the two spent it together in Loki's apartment for neither wanted to separate. Thor was flying back to Australia the next day.

Thor sat on the living room watching Crime Scene Investigation. When Loki came out of his bedroom with sweats and a green shirt, the painter laughed. "You enjoy crime?" asked Loki.

"I'm taking Criminal Justice as a major," said Thor. "I'm still in uni which sucks. How about you? What did you take?"

Loki sadly smiled. "I'll tell you the truth. I was in my last semester when I dropped out."

"What?" asked Thor. "Well, why? I'm already sure that it's not financial, so did something happen? I'm not being too nosy, am I?"

Loki shook his head and sat beside Thor, saying, "I was in Texas that time with my parents. They had an ugly divorce. I found out that my dad was taking drugs so I went crazy. I didn't know what to do. He used to beat me up as a kid and he had anger issues. I feared that he might take it out on my siblings. Things happened. He accused me of being a psychopath and a schizophrenic maniac just to get rid of me and hide his secret. He sent me back here to the Philippines to my aunt and uncle. Soon, those two stopped supporting me as a way to get my mother to pay for my education. My mother would never do that. So I did not return to college and got work here in the Philippines without a degree. I proved to them that they can't get me to kneel and beg for forgiveness. I only spoke of the truth and none believed me because they all feared my dad. One day, I will get my revenge and laugh as my dad is being buried in the ground. There is nothing more that I wish but for him to die, but because of things I cannot even wish for anything."

Tears glazed Loki's eyes and Thor felt the hair on his body rise. He wanted to know why Loki can't wish, but he was terrified of something he did not know. He just placed his arm around Loki's shoulder and brought Loki to lean towards him. "I'm here now," he told Loki. "You have a bad relationship with your family?"

"Not bad. Horrible."

"Well, I'm here, okay?" Thor kissed the top of Loki's head. Loki, to Loki's own surprise, stiffened. Then, a sense of comfort came to the man.

Loki turned to Thor and said, "I have never felt this way towards anyone but you. Not even Tony." Loki looked around. "Well, when we were dating I didn't know _this_ as much as I do know, but can I tell you a secret?"

Thor smiled for he thought that this would be a big step in his relationship with Loki. He said, "You can tell me anything. You could even be a woman and I wouldn't care."

Loki didn't laugh. Instead, he placed his hand against Thor's cheek and stared into his eyes. He said something in his head and Thor felt weird being in that position when they weren't kissing. He wanted to kiss Loki so badly, but something told him to stay still and stop thinking. So he did. Loki continued to stare at him and soon enough, Loki's eyes half closed as his eyes became shaded like that time he played the piano. After a minute, Loki pulled away.


	3. The Great Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki thought that it was safe to reveal his secret, but, sometimes, that safeness is a sense of false security and a wish for things to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might've confused you with the earlier chapter, but Loki here is a dual citizen. He was raised mostly in the US but he was born in the Philippines, but since his parents are English, he travels back and forth from those three countries but considers Texas to be his home. His parents are divorced but, why Texas, because they own this oil empire. He's had this "gift" since he was young, but only started to accept it just recently.

"What was that?" asked Thor.

"Tell me if I am correct. You have a Golden Retriever named Mjolnir."

Thor stiffened. "H-how? I never told you that yet.... or at least I don't think so. Did I?"

Loki placed his hand against Thor's cheek again and his eyes returned to that shaded gaze. Then, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry. I'll stop." He tried to move away but Thor grabbed his arm and encouraged him to speak. So Loki started, "You were in love with tennis. You dreamed to be in the Wimbledon because you competed all over Australia. Then, you stopped because of a knee injury. You dreamed to return after you rested, but your dad made you stop. He was worried because of your knee, but you knew that it was because he thought that tennis was just a hobby and not a passion. You're supposed to follow his footsteps, to manage all his resorts and to become a politician as well. You want none of that. You just wanted to play tennis, and you enjoy acting as well. Though you stopped acting already, you still enjoy it, but nothing can ever compare to your love for tennis. You stopped because you couldn't handle your father anymore, and that is the real reason why you stopped. Not your injury. You haven't played tennis, even for fun, since then. You still dream of entering the Wimbledon, and you cry yourself at night whenever that old dream comes to you. You also play the guitar and you enjoy making music. It is also your passion, but you would throw away your guitar if it means that you can return to those years of tennis. Thor, I'm sorry." Loki stood up, but Thor pulled him back down on the sofa. Thor's eyes were brimming with tears and his eyes were wide open with such anger. "Thor, I'm sorry," repeated Loki.

"How did you know this?"

Loki tried to pull away but Thor grabbed his arms, refusing to let Loki go. "I just do!" Loki shouted. "See, that's what my dad used to accuse me of insanity! I see and hear things! I talk to things! I see the past and sometimes the present! My spirit leaves my body, and my wishes sometimes come to life!"

"What? No! The tennis thing was just by luck! You researched me in Google!"

Loki shouted. "You're scaring me, Thor! Stop this! I can feel my emotions coming up, you don't want that!"

"No!" Thor shook Loki. "Tell me the truth, Loki!"

Loki stiffened and his eyes glowed in a golden shade. Then, the painting behind Loki fell and Thor was pushed back onto the sofa. Loki stood up and started shaking. "I told you! I told you to stop!"

"W-what happened?" Thor was becoming scared.

"I don't know! Since I started doing these things, everything's getting better but this power is getting worse! Now, go!" Loki pointed to the door. "I shouldn't have told you this! Leave me!"

Thor stood up but was hesitant to leave, but when Loki's eyes glowed gold again, he ran. When the door closed, the painting beside it shook. Loki fell on his knees, embraced himself, and cried.

+

Thor was sitting beside no one in the business class. In front of him were his parents who were drinking wine. Thor looked at the wine glass beside him and sighed. For the first time in his life, alcohol did not seem that amusing. He looked out into the window and stared at the vast expanse of the sea that laid down beneath him. Oh, how he wanted to jump and drown himself. He felt as if he deserved it.

When they reached home, Odin and Frigga went to a restaurant while Thor insisted that he go home. Noticing his distress, his parents tried to talk to him, but Thor shrugged them and said that he was just sleepy. Odin dismissed him as having another one of his one night stands, but Frigga knew that something was wrong. If Thor was not ready to speak of it, though, then she would wait until her son felt comfortable enough to talk of it.

Thor entered his bedroom and unraveled the painting that he brought from that exhibit. It was the one that Loki called  _Mother Nature,_ it was also the life of Loki wherein he did not know his name. What Thor did not know, was that it was the woman who he has been dreaming of because the face of the woman in his dreams has always been blurred. Thor sighed and placed it over his bed as he removed the posters of his favorite tennis stars. He looked at the fallen posters that laid near the bed and said, "It is time for me to grow up. I can't fantasize about the Wimbledon now. I'm too old to get back to it." Then, he turned to his guitar that was carefully laid on his stand at the corner of his room. Thor sighed again and said, "Why do I play you?" He plopped on his bed and turned to his bedside table that had books on criminal justice. Thor glared at it and said, "I wanted to help people, but why can't I help myself?" He then turned to the painting that was above him and asked, "When are you going to forgive me?" He sighed. "I'm talking to a fucking painting."

+

Loki stayed at the coffee shop for seven hours just writing. While some people considered it to be overstaying, the people at the coffee shop already knew him and he constantly bought a cup of coffee every hour. As he sat at his usual corner, his legs crossed, his thick glasses almost sliding down his nose, his lips pursed in concentration, his hair pulled back, his fingers ticking one letter after another from his black laptop, a barista approached him and set down his double shot. Loki smiled at the man and went back to his writing, but the barista said, "Take it easy, Loki. You seem tired."

Loki cocked his eyebrows and said to the man, "It's okay. This is how I get when I'm on the verge of something."

The barista smiled and said, "Artistic people amaze me."

Loki smirked. "They scare me."

They shared a laugh before the barista moved back to his place near the cashier.

That night, Loki called all of his students, saying, "I shall be leaving the Philippines in three weeks, so I can only teach for two more weeks."

The next day, he went to the art gallery to accept his pay. He talked to his aunt and another exhibit would be on the way, but Loki would be sending the paintings through email and once he finishes with the series, he would fly back to the Philippines.

A week later, his book got published.

In three days, it reached Amazon's top downloaded list.

Three days before he left the country, he treated all of his friends to a nice dinner out for he flatly refused partying for he needed to return to the US in top shape.

The day before he left the country, he looked through the list of those who bought his paintings. Odin and Frigga bought one, and Thor bought one for himself.

 _Thor bought Mother Nature?_ Loki thought to himself as he stared at the text.  _No! Why that one?_ Loki fell against the wall and slid down the floor. Somehow, it did not feel so right. He embraced himself and started shaking as dark emotions surrounded him. The lights of his bedroom was still turned on and his laptop was playing classical piano songs. It did nothing to calm his racing heart, though. Questions bombarded his head. Loki stood up and reached for his laptop to get the video for Past Life Regression. The music stopped and meditation music echoed through the room. Loki closed the windows and locked the door even if he was the only one in the room. Then, Loki closed the lights, lighting only one single candle. He sat on his bed, leaned against the headboard, and went back in time.

+

_1944_

_Loki, who was a woman at that time, was screaming. She was being surrounded by people who were keeping her back. She did not want to be swayed, though, as she reached her hand past all of them. Tears ran down her face and her chest was tight. The buildings were still standing but people were already acting chaotic. Loki was not the only one screaming to be freed. But Loki became confused. He did not understand what she was screaming because it was in German, so he was not exactly sure if she wanted to be free or not. She was reaching for someone. Loki looked around. His father was leading the soldiers into the trains. Loki saw Thor. They both shared a sad glance as their eyes bid each other farewell. Thor closed his eyes and walked into the train. Loki fell against the ground and cried._

_Thor never came back. Loki, together with her mother and sister, was raped and killed in one of the attacks._

_+_

_12th century_

_Loki was on the table, her dress pushed to her hips as Tony ravaged her. They were in the library, and they have been wed. It was just right for them to make love, and Tony owned the palace. At the corner of the library, though, one of the guards watched with guilt and dread. That guard was Thor. He grabbed his chest and turned away, but he listened to their noises nonetheless._

_Loki shouted in his head, "He deserved it! He left me and Tony loved me!"_

_+_

_Pre-civilization_

_Loki stood in front of his old self, in front of the woman who he jokingly called Mother Nature. Loki said, "Show me what you have here! Why won't you show this to me?"_

_Mother Nature frowned and said, "I was your first life, and I am your first heartache. Everything here was your first, and so everything here is the most painful."_

_"I am you and you are me!" Loki was getting angry. "How would I fix our present if you do not show me this? I live with all of our pains while you live only with yours!"_

_Mother Nature sighed and said, "Stubborn. We have always been stubborn." She called for a child, a child did appear by her legs. She placed her hand on the girl's shoulder and said, "This is us."_

_"My soul is really that of a girl?" asked Loki._

_"You change. It does not matter. You were first born as a woman," said Mother Nature. The child looked up at Loki and Loki saw hundreds of faces flash in her golden eyes. It was each and every single one of the lives that he has lived. Mother Nature said, "I am protecting her, so I am protecting you. If I show you this, you have to be prepared or we shall weep."_

_"I **am** ready!"_

_"No."_

_A force started to pull Loki back again. He screamed and tried to reach for Mother Nature, but nothing could stop the force._

_+_

Loki's eyes snapped open. He was back on his bed and he was sweating again. He turned off the meditation music and let himself be embraced by the silence. Letting his head fall against the pillows, he stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

+

"You're crazy!" Fandral shouted at the phone. "You told your dad that you'll be at my place for a week? What if he comes looking for me? What if he asks  _my_ dad? This is fucked up, man!"

Thor sighed and said, "He won't. If he does, pretend that you didn't know."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because it's your turn. First was Volstagg, then Hogun, now you. I couldn't do this to Sif, you know that."

"Fine! Have fun in sunny Philippines with that painter who you just met once!"

"Twice!"

Fandral ended the call.

+

Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Philippines, 4:21pm

Thor was looking down at his phone and so was Loki. They were heading towards each other, but both were wearing their shades as their heads were bowed. Their shoulders brushed. Thor turned to apologize, but Loki kept walking. Thor shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk in hopes of finding the painter.

+

Thor walked into the apartment that he remembered belongs to Loki. When he asked the guard where Loki was, the guard just looked at Thor. Thor repeated the question, and the guard said, "He left for America earlier. Did he not tell you?"

Thor's expression dropped. The world beneath his feet crumbled, and he found himself dragging himself back to his hotel. He locked himself in his room and ordered for bottles of alcohol to be brought to his room. He turned on the TV. By instinct, he turned it to the sports channel, but he quickly turned the TV off. He slumped into the bed, stared into the screen of the TV so that he could see his reflection, and drank.

For a week, he did not leave his room. He just had food be brought to him as he drowned himself in alcohol.

When he returned, his parents asked how Fandral's parents were doing. Thor managed to smile and said that they were doing fine, but when he returned to his room, the big man cried.

In school, he did not pay attention. He avoided his friends as well, but since they shared classes, they still saw each other. When class would end, though, he would just leave. They tried to goad him into telling what happened, but he refused to speak. Sif teased him, telling him that he finally found someone who he loved. Thor glared at her and none brought the topic up anymore.

At night, Thor would just stare at the painting and ask, "What did I do wrong to deserve this?"

+

Loki sat on his bed while meditating. He rented his own apartment and stayed in Dallas, Texas, his old home. His exhibit was finally done, his book was published, and his bank account was constantly being refilled due to the royalties of his book. It was finally time to return to his old profession, performing. It was the reason why he went to Korea. He filmed a few commercials there, but when time came to look for a sponsor, he found none. Actually, he did, but the spirit guarding him told him not to accept it for he had to return to the US. When Loki asked why, the voice did not give him any answers. Loki stuck to his promise, though, to continue practicing his gifts. It brought him luck and money, and it also made him happy.

As Loki meditated, he felt his soul seemingly separate from his bed. A cover of peace embraced him. When it ended, he opened his eyes. His phone rang. Loki jumped from his bed and reached for his phone that was sitting by his TV. When he saw the name, he stiffened.

_Tony Stark_

Loki hesitated to answer the call. They were over. Tony cheated. And it was Tony who disappeared into nothingness. And it was Loki who lived through years dreaming of Tony and crying whenever he awoke. So, no, Loki did not want to answer it. But, yes, he wanted to answer it. Loki took a deep breath and decided to take a chance. He answered the call.

_Loki?_

Loki smiled at hearing that voice. It has been so long, and he never thought that he would ever smile from that voice. He asked, though, "How did you get my number? It's new."

_I had this weird dream that you returned. So I called your sister. Why don't you live with her?_

"I wanted privacy and freedom. I love my sister, but I need this."

_Well... She mentioned me that you'll be flying to LA in two weeks? For this... audition?_

"Yes. One of my auditions."

_How's your schedule?_

"One week filled with auditions here in Texas while sending demo tapes online. I'll fly to LA after this week in Texas, then fly back here. I haven't seen any auditions after my week in LA, but I won't stop auditioning until I get something."

_God. You're sexy when you're being so passionate. Such a shame that people don't see this side of yours. They just see you as this talented genius who works hard for nothing but... well, nothing._

"They think it's luck," Loki sighed. "No. And don't call me a fucking genius. You know I hate that."

Silence came in between them. Loki sat on his bed and thought of what he could say for he wanted to elongate the conversation. However, Tony beat him to it.

_Do you have a place to stay in LA?_

"No."

_You can live with me._

Loki hesitated for he feared the pain, he feared that he was still in love with Tony. He needed answers, so he said, "I would love that. Thank you."

_Maybe you can finally accept my invitation on facebook too?_

+

Loki sat on his bed that was in the guest bedroom of Tony's mansion in LA. The room was of green and gold, and Loki, honestly, found the room to call to him because of its colors. His laptop was on the table near the TV, and it was playing songs from Adele, specifically the song  _Don't You Remember._ When the lyrics,  _Baby, please remember me once more_ first came, Loki plopped on the bed. It bounced him up that Loki gasped in surprise. Then, he sighed. He remembered Thor. He still had Thor's number on his Viber, and he even had Thor's email. He could just send him a message, but he believed that Thor didn't recognize him as the guy he met on Tinder. Then, he thought of emailing Thor about the $700 that he owed the man, but he thought that it might look like a desperate attempt to see Thor. Loki sighed. There was a longing in his heart, but he knew that Thor was just a man he met a few times before. Loki laid his hand on his forehead, specifically the space between his brows, and asked,  _What would happen?_

No one answered.

_Come on! Please, will I still see Thor?_

There was still no answer. Loki's hands fell to the side and he closed his eyes. If the spirits won't answer him, then he'll just bask in Adele's songs.

A voice came, saying,  _Wake up._ Loki opened his eyes and sat up. Someone knocked on the door and he thanked whoever woke him up. Loki said, "I'm awake." The door opened and Tony came in with some tea.

"You had a long flight," said Tony as he placed the tea on the bedside table. "Well, you actually had a short flight, I just thought that you might be tired. Lunch will be served in an hour too. Are you ready for your audition tomorrow, Mr. Big shot?"

"Stop that, Tony," said Loki even if he was amused to have Tony with him. "I was lucky to get that exhibit. I had connections. And that book is nothing. I worked on it for five fucking years."

"Yeah, how about your piano?"

"What about it?"

"You performed in a fucking hotel."

Loki smirked and took the tea from the bedside table. He blew into it and smelled its scent. A small smile came to his face as he basked in what he considered as healthy and needed for his meditations. He said, "Luck."

"You're unusually lucky, Loki. Hey, that's a good rhyme! Lucky Loki!" Tony laughed and sat beside his old lover as Loki sipped his tea. Tony looked at the man's legs, noting that it had become even skinnier than before. Tony dared not to ask, though, for he knew of Loki's erratic behavior whenever he became  _in the zone._ Actually, no, Tony did not know that. He just heard of it from Loki's sister when Tony personally went to Dallas in a surprising search for Loki. When he found that Loki left, he goaded the man's sister to tell him everything, including the fact that Loki would skip sleep and food whenever he would paint.

Loki rolled his eyes. He sipped his tea again and said, "Shut up, Tony."

"You're still as beautiful as ever."

Loki stilled and glanced at Tony. "Is that why you had me come here."

"Because you're beautiful? Yes."

"I'm still a virgin," said Loki with no hints of embarrassment. Tony shrugged his shoulders and Loki rolled his eyes again. Tony would not do anything to him, he was sure of that. However, he asked the spirits if Tony would. Someone replied,  _He won't force you._ Loki glared at the corner looking towards the mirror to stare at himself. Loki replied,  _What are you trying to tell me?_

Tony scratched the back of his head and said, "Hey, you're safe." Loki rolled his eyes again. Tony laughed and said, "Seriously, you have become unbelievably lucky. You get a shitload of students to teach, there's your random exhibit which you never wanted," Tony remembered how Loki enjoyed to draw, and how Loki would rant about he never wanted to make art a living even if Loki's major was art. "After your exhibit, your book. You got a few performing deals in Korea, that time with the hotel, and now you're here with a shitload amount of cash which your aunt just suddenly gave you."

Loki finished his tea and placed it on the bedside table. "She thinks that I'm here to continue my education. Because my student loans are connected to my mother, I can't do much because I can't waste so much money right now."

"You're taking online classes, yes?"

"Yes. Just one class, though, Tony. I'm not in a hurry."

Tony moved until he was leaning against the headboard. Loki was looking towards the painting that was in front of them, and Tony was staring at the man's carefully carved cheekbones. Loki was just perfection to him, but Tony could not make a move just yet because it was he who cheated. Also, he hasn't seen Loki in years. He had to work to get Loki back. Loki accepting his invitation to stay at his home was something that he considered luck. Also, Loki was watching his finances because he didn't want to blow all the money so sudden. Loki had plans. Then Tony remembered, "You invested in the stock market, right?"

Loki sighed and pulled his knees to his chest. "My sister does not know when to hush herself."

"Yeah, you almost got into a Hollywood movie."

Loki's eyes widened as his head snapped to Tony. "She told you that?"

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, you thought it was Indie when you were sent the audition, then you got considered. All the while, you didn't know it was Hollywood until you saw your costars."

Loki laughed and relaxed. Unconsciously, he leaned closer to Tony and said, "I don't know why I'm suddenly lucky. I'm getting everything I have ever wanted, and that's a lot considering that I have a lot of dreams. I just thought that I'd get only one, though, not all." Loki lied. He knew why he was getting the luck, and it was because of his sixth sense and all the gifts that was given to him.

+

After Loki's audition, he found himself in Tony's car. They were eating Chinese food in the parking lot of the building, and Tony shivered because it was cold. He didn't complain, though, for Loki enjoyed the cold. Tony placed his food on his lap and stared out at the moon. He sighed and said, "Do you remember that time we spent the whole night stargazing?"

"Of course," said Loki as he swallowed his noodles. "You dragged me all the way down to Galveston for that."

Tony turned to Loki and sadly smiled. He said, "I regretted what I did."

Loki placed his food down and turned to Tony. There was fear in Loki's green eyes. He did not want to go through this again. Tony would want something and he would just push Tony away. Would Tony even understand if Loki told him the truth? Tony was a scientist, and his whole family dealt with science and machines. There was no room for magic in it, no room for time travel and fortune telling and talking to the dead.

"Loki, I never stopped thinking of you," Tony reached for Loki's hand but Loki pulled it away. Tony sadly sighed. He met Loki through a friend when he was visiting Texas once, and he has since travelled back and forth from LA to Dallas so that he could see Loki. He confessed, "I often came to Dallas and I would stand in front of your house. I thought that I would have the courage to go in and talk to you, but I never did."

Loki closed his eyes and turned away.

"Then, one day, you weren't there. Your cars weren't there. When I peeked in the house, everything was a mess. Your neighbors told me that you and your family just disappeared. I tried to call your sister, but I decided to call your friends. They told me that you moved and that you were going through some shit that you wouldn't tell anyone. I was worried and tempted to call a detective, but you would kick my ass if I did that."

Loki smirked. He would do more than kick Tony's ass for meddling in his private life.

"When they told me that you went to the Philippines, I cried. I wanted to email you, but I was scared. I hacked into people's Facebook so that I could check on you. I wanted nothing but to have you back, Loki. I still love you."

Loki shook his head. "I don't believe in love, Tony. That's for the foolish and the weak."

"Then call me foolish and weak."

Loki turned to Tony. Their eyes met and they stared at each other, captivated by the other's gaze. Tony started to lean forward, but Loki turned away. Tony stilled as he realized his mistake, but he needed to know why Loki feared touch so much. Loki always told Tony that it was trust issues, and Tony probably ruined the trust that Loki already gave him. So Tony slumped back on his seat and dejectedly sighed. His hopes rose, though, when Loki turned to him and said, "I will show you something."

"Yes? Show me anything."

"Don't be scared. I don't show this to people unless if they are like me, but there's a voice in my head telling me that you won't push me away," he didn't finish the words in his head for he thought,  _you won't push me away like Thor._

"Go. Show me."

Loki placed his hand against Tony's cheek and stared into Tony's eyes. Tony wriggled his brows, thinking that Loki would kiss him, but Loki just stared at him. There was no lust in his eyes, but his eyes did seem to fog with something that seemed frightening to Tony. Loki sensed that fear, so his eyes returned to normal and he pulled away. He pointed towards Loki's pocket and said, "Give me your wallet." Tony raised a brow but he complied.  Loki placed the wallet on his lap. Then, he placed both hands on top of the wallet. Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He exhaled. The muscles on his face relaxed. Then, he pulled his hands back and said, "You have $213 in it. The picture you have is you when you graduated. You placed it there because it made your parents proud to see that you actually stuck to the rules and managed to keep yourself from getting expelled. Behind that picture is another. It's...." Loki sighed and turned to look out of the window and into the streets. "I hate you, Tony. It's a picture of me sleeping. You took that picture when I fell asleep in your car once. You have five credit cards, one debit card, three IDs from your university, numerous promo cards from different restaurants, and two condoms."

Tony turned red.

"I thought that you regretted what you did."

"What was I to do while you were away? We weren't together anymore, but if you welcome me back then I would change!" Tony took Loki's face in his hands and turned Loki so that their eyes would meet again. "You saw your picture. I love you, Loki! I would change for  _you!_ If you do not want me to touch you, then be it!" He pulled away and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I don't know how you did that, but look into me and see if I am lying. When I confessed what I confessed, I lied not."

Loki rolled his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed two fingers against Tony's forehead. He tried to look for any hints of lying, but when Loki found none, he moved back and crossed his own arms.

"Well?"

"You're not lying."

"So?"

"I don't know." Loki shook his head. "It's confusing, Tony."

"I'll wait."

"Thank you." Loki held his hands together as he felt the energy coming from it. He shivered. Tony noticed it and turned down the AC. Loki glanced at Tony and asked, "Are you not scared?" Tony shook his head. "Seriously, Tony, I have these powers and you're not scared?"

"What's the worse you could do?"

"I'm not allowed to wish."

"Why?"

"Because if I'm really angry or if I feel strong emotions and I wish for you to die, then you might die.  _Or_ your death would move a day earlier or so. It depends."

Tony laughed. "Seriously. Have you ever killed someone before?"

Loki shook his head. "You asked the worst, you idiot. Let's just say that I can't get angry because I lose control of everything."

"What's the worst you've done?"

Loki shook his head and tapped his fingers on his lap. "I was angry at my sister and I wished, no, screamed at her, for her to get sick. The next day, she had a high fucking fever. I once wished for my father to die but I took it back, saying that I want him to  _feel_ like he's about to die so that he'd suffer. I overheard him talking to his friend about a gut feeling that he was going to die soon."

Tony smirked. "I really thought you killed someone."

"Make me angry and you'll be the first."

"Can you do magic tricks?"

"Stop this, Tony," said Loki with a stern tone. "I'm getting annoyed." Since he started preparing for his exhibit, his mood swings became powerful that he would get angry over little teasing and whatnot, and he would coo at little words.

"Magic! Magic! Magic!" Tony clapped his hands. Loki's noodles magically flew into Tony's face. Tony choked on a few of those noodles and Loki started apologizing profusely. For a moment, Tony felt frightened, but he soon found it to be amazing that they talked about it the whole night.

+

Thor was at the library of his university doing some research. He was still rather depressed from what happened, but he could not forget his responsibilities that he still went to school. He also started to talk to his friends again, but he would drink every night until he fell asleep a drunken mess.

Sif, who was sitting beside Thor, was going through her phone as Thor went through books. Thor cursed because it would have been easier to use the internet, but the professor required that their sources be books. Since it was his last semester, he had no choice but to be behaved. Sif, who was taking management, was not bothered by research. She bobbed her head to the music that was blasting in her ears from her phone. Then, she smirked. She stopped the music and turned to Thor, asking, "You know Stark industries?"

"Stark? Duh," answered Thor. Sif's family, like Thor's, was one of the richest in Australia. However, Sif's family dealt with technology while Thor's dealt with resorts and politics. Thor said, "How could I not know him? Your father talks about Stark all the fucking time, Sif."

"You know his son?"

"Tony Stark? Yeah, you introduced me to him. Why?"

Sif's smile widened. "I thought that he was a ladies' man, but he swings both ways. Check his blog." Sif turned her cell phone to Thor who almost threw the phone across the library.

Tony's blog had a picture of him kissing Loki's cheek while in Tony's car. The blog entry:

_After a year of making up for my mistake, after a year of trying to win this man back, I finally have him. Travelling back and forth from Dallas and LA was worth it._

_And catch him on stage! He'll be staring in Macbeth in downtown LA. The show will open in two weeks. Catch you guys there!_

_(Yes, the great Tony Stark is officially taken and has gotten himself involved in a committed relationship.)_

_Love,_

_The Great Tony Stark_

Thor clutched the edge of the table and dug his nails into the wood. He heaved. Sif's eyebrow rose and he asked, "Is something wrong?"

" _Everything_ is wrong!" bellowed Thor. Everyone in the library stared, and the librarian walked towards Thor. Thor groaned and hid his face in his hands as the librarian scolded him. When the librarian left, Thor said, "I have a secret I need to tell you."

"What?"

"That's...." Thor sighed. "I'll tell it later when the whole gang is here."

So, when the friends were together, Thor spoke of his brief romance with Loki. He did not speak of Loki's strange gift, though, but he did mention that he would do anything to steal Loki from Tony.

Fandral laughed. "You met the guy only a few times. I doubt Loki would be swept off of his feet when the mighty Thor comes."

Volstagg lightly elbowed Hogun and said, "The Mighty Thor versus the Great Tony Stark. This would be interesting."

Thor glared at his friends while Fandral and Sif laughed.

"But, seriously," said Sif, "You have university to go to. Graduation won't come until after next month."

Thor took out his phone and searched for the theatre where Loki would be acting with. When Thor saw the schedule for Macbeth, he deviously smiled. His friends stilled. Thor laughed and told them, "I'll make it."

Fandral placed his hand out and said, "$50 that he won't be able to do it."

+


	4. Tulips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He followed him.

Loki stretched against the green covers. He was wearing a black shirt and dark sweat pants. His pale skin shone against the covers. Incense covered his room and classical piano played through the air. He has moved in with Tony and insisted on paying rent, but Tony downright refused saying, "This is nothing to me. You can have your whole family move in," but Loki shuddered at that thought that Tony said, "Never mind." Tony's family lived elsewhere, anyways, but because they already gave part of their empire to Tony, Tony had more cash than he could wish for. Loki, who also had the money due to his royalties from his books (another has been published) and his artwork (he recently visited the Philippines for another exhibit) and his shares in the New York Stock Exchange, was still careful with his money. He wanted to open a restaurant to assure him of continuous cash flow. It wasn't because of his greed, but because he wanted to make himself into something, into this successful free mogul who could slap the millions at his father's cheeks. The rent was something that Loki and Tony fought over a lot, but Loki would always move back and let Tony have his way with it.

Loki opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling which he painted with stars. It was such a delightful sight for him and it always relaxed him. He closed his eyes and meditated, but then someone knocked on the door. Loki opened his eyes and, before he could give permission to enter, the door opened. It was Tony. He had a big grin on his face and tea in his hand. He raised the tea to his head and said, "Rose Tea. It's good for detox and your throat." He walked to the bedside table and laid the tea down. He then sat beside Loki and placed his hand on Loki's thigh. Loki purred like a cat but he looked away. Tony frowned for he knew what he was thinking. He said, "It's okay, Loki, I will not rush you."

"But I haven't even let you kiss me," said Loki as he turned back to Tony.

"Well... I would wait."

"Aren't you tired?" asked Loki. Tony shook his head and Loki frowned, saying, "Stop lying."

Tony sighed. "Fine. I get tired but I would rather be tired of waiting than not have you."

Loki sadly sighed and reached for Tony's hands. Their fingers intertwined and Tony kissed the man's knuckles. Loki's pale face slightly reddened. He decided, it was time to tell Tony the truth to his fear.

+

Tony laid on Loki's bed. His hands were by his head and he was staring wide eyed into the starry ceiling, letting himself relax as chaos filled his head. The incense calmed him, though, and the melody of the piano playing from Loki's laptop somewhat distracted him from his thoughts. Loki sat beside the bed, slowly sipping his rose tea. Loki laughed and said, "I feel like Sigmund Freud. So, how do you feel, Mr. Stark?"

"Fuck off, Loki," said Tony as he kept his eyes on the ceiling. "This is too much for me. You had my heart palpitating the moment you said that you go back in time to visit your... other lives."

Loki smirked and nodded. "Call me crazy."

"You're crazy."

Loki placed the tea down and took Tony's hand in his. He kissed the inside of Tony's wrists, letting his lips linger longer than usual to tell Tony that he loved him. Tony glared at Loki, though, and Loki laughed, saying, "I'm not scared of kissing hands. It's the rest of the body parts that frighten me."

"Did I get this right, though?" Tony stared at the starry ceiling again. "You were a woman in 1944. You were raped - no, gangraped - by a group of soldiers who also did the nasty to your mother and sister."

Loki nodded and laid Tony's hand beside his head. "Did I frighten you?"

Tony shook his head. "Nothing can beat the time we fought." Both of them were screaming, and Loki screamed, _I wish unto you a painful revenge! Something that would make you unable to work for a week! I would love to see you squirm and learn your lesson! Break your arm!_ Loki then walked into his room and slammed the door. Tony did the same. The next day, he tripped down the stairs and broke his arm. Loki apologized profusely and he went on his knees to beg for Loki's forgiveness.

The corners of Loki's lips curled up in a small smile. "I've been thinking about it..."

Tony sat up. His eyes widened and his body started to grow warm. "Yes?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Not now. Maybe... tonight? After rehearsals. I want to get over this fear, Tony. I want to be normal already, and you have proven yourself enough."

"Yes!" Tony threw his hands in the air. He reached for Loki's face but he quickly pulled away. With his hands in the air, he said, "I will not do anything to scare you. I almost touched you and kissed you, but I will control myself until tonight. But, fuck it, Loki, I want to kiss you." He glanced at Loki's lips and licked his own.

Loki smirked and said, "Wait, lover boy."

+

Thor's eyes opened. The clock was glowing 1:32am. Thor's head was on his desk and he was surrounded by books which was unusual, but his last semester of university proved harder than usual. Before, he would usually get high grades _while_ being drunk and sleeping with people. Well, things changed. School got harder and he dreamed of murdering Tony Stark.  Thor groaned and ran his hand through his hair. His paper still wasn't finished and his laptop has entered sleep mode. He turned the laptop on. Before he could resume to his work, though, he saw an image of Tony being excited to sleep with Loki. Thor frowned and slapped his hand on his desk. Loki had issues with intimacy and he believed that Tony was not respecting that. Thor turned his chair towards Loki's painting that hung above his bed. He talked to it, saying, "I shall prove myself to you and I shall not make the same mistakes again. I am yours and you are mine."

Thor turned back to the laptop and typed furiously into the keys. He was writing a paper about homicide, and he was thinking of committing said murder towards Tony Stark.

+

Loki sat at the edge of the bed. The incense was in the air, filling the room with the smell of roses. Tony was standing beside Loki, and Loki's laptop was once again playing classical piano music. Loki stared at his slim fingers and fidgeted while Tony was looking everywhere but Loki. Tony was nervous. He knew that Loki was frightened, but were they to live in that constant fear? Tony was determined, but he did not want Loki to cower and scream. He did not want to destroy the trust that he just gained.

"Well?" said Loki as he turned to glance at Tony. "Are we not going to do this?"

"Well?" Tony sat beside Loki and took the man's hand in his. "I do not want to frighten you."

"We kissed before."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "Yeah, but you would shake and your hands would fist and you would pale."

"I want to get over this, Tony."

Tony sighed and leaned closer to Loki. Loki closed his eyes and his hands fisted. Tony noticed it that a pang of guilt hit him, but it was now or never. He pulled Loki's fingers and entwined it with his. With his eyes still closed, Loki stiffened and his lips narrowed. Tony sighed again for he did not know if he should do this or not. He leaned forward. Loki didn't move. Their lips touched. Loki stiffened but Tony refused to move back. He whispered against Loki's lips, "Relax. It's just me." He pushed against Loki's lips. Loki moaned in fear. Tony could feel it, but he still refused to stop even when a voice inside him screamed for it to end. He laid his hands on Loki's shoulder and massaged the muscles there. Tony tried to deepen the kiss by pushing against Loki who whimpered again. Then, Tony felt tears. He moved away and Loki embraced himself as he started to cry. "Loki?"

"I hate this!" Loki's eyes opened. "At least before, I could keep myself from crying. After seeing _that,_ I couldn't help but see it again!"

Tony embraced Loki who cried against his shoulder.

+

Thor woke up again. He was finally on bed but his books were strewn against his desk. Thor sat up and turned on the lamp. He looked at the painting on top of his bed and pointed a finger at it. He opened his mouth to say something, but he soon closed it as a smile crept on his face. He said, "I had a wonderful dream. Tony and Loki did not fuck, but I have a feeling that they still did." Thor sighed and closed the lights, thinking that it was normal for lovers to sleep together. However, he still wished that Loki and Tony did not share an intimate moment in their bed.

+

Loki stood on stage with his fellow actors. The applause roared and Loki smiled. He was at the right side, the main cast in the middle. Tears brimmed Loki's eyes as the lights concentrated on them, and as the faces of the audience showed utter amusement at their little show. Some of the audience went down to give flowers, some waited at the sides to take pictures. Loki's smile softened. He was not going to receive the treatment of the main cast for he only received a supporting role, but he was happy.

When the curtains closed, a few people stayed to continue taking pictures. Loki moved to the backstage. People were running around to close the show, and the director was congratulating all of them. Loki moved to the green room and sat in front of his mirror. He took a facial wash from his bag and moved to the bathroom to wash his face. When the make-up was off, he moved back to the green room and stilled. His hold on his facial wash tightened and his heart palpitated.

In front of his mirror was a bouquet of white tulips. Standing by his chair was Thor who had a solemn look on his face. Thor looked down and gripped Loki's chair as his hand fidgeted inside of his pocket. Thor opened his mouth, closed it, then sighed. "I... I'm sorry."

Loki took a step back. He wanted to run. He also wanted to slap Thor. There were questions in his head, though, "How were you able to get in here? Only staff can enter."

Thor smiled but still refused to look at Loki. "I prepared this for a week. They all know that you are dating _The Great Tony Stark,"_ Thor rolled his eyes, "but money has always spoke for me. I told them that I was your old lover and that I planned to get you back. They told me that Tony won't be happy, but I don't care."

Loki threw his facial wash towards Thor's shoulder, but Thor didn't even flinch. "There was never anything between us!" Loki felt his tears that he brushed them away before they could even fall. "I just met you a few times and that was it! What we shared was just one kiss!"

"And your secret!" Thor stared at Loki with frantic and wide eyes. "I don't know but I can't stop thinking about you! I stare at your painting and I feel you looking back at me. Loki, let me at least show you that... that there is something!"

"You are mad!"

Thor took Loki's face between his hands and forced their lips together. Loki stiffened as the memories flashed in his head. However, he found no strength to fight Thor who forced his lips open with his tongue. Loki's eyes shut tightly and he started to weep. When Thor felt those tears against his cheeks, he pulled away. His hands did not leave Loki's face, though, but he did stare guiltily into those weeping eyes. He felt like a monster, and he felt as if it was his fault why Loki was like that, but why? Why were there so many questions in his head? And why did he feel as if he has known Loki for centuries? He wrapped Loki in his arms and pulled the smaller man to his chest. Loki squirmed, but he soon relaxed as Thor rubbed his hands around Loki's arm and back, kissing Loki's forehead and brows.

The door opened. Thor and Loki separated. At the door was none other than Tony Stark who was furiously glaring at Thor. "I knew something was wrong," said Tony. "Right on the day that I decided to surprise Loki, they tell me that he's busy. I knew there was something wrong when they were acting all scared. I just did not know that it was you who would be here, Thor."

Loki stared at both men. "You know each other?"

Thor nodded and Tony said, "Blame our dads. Well, his friend's dad. I don't know the great Odin."

Loki grabbed his head as memories danced in his head. The past was repeating, but he did not know who was for him. In that life where he married Tony, he also saw Thor. Though Loki did not know the whole story, he knew that he was angry at Thor and blamed him for everything, and he was happy with Tony. However, in Loki's life that took place during WWII, Tony was not there. Just Thor. A voice inside Loki said, _Run._

Loki grabbed his bag and ran. Tony tried to cover Loki's path but Loki pushed him away. Loki fell a few steps to the side and he tried to reach for Loki. However, he stopped. He knew Loki. Whenever Loki would want to be alone, he would do everything to get his solitude. Guests, even Tony, was never welcome. So Tony sighed and glared at Thor. "What did you do to him?"

Thor walked to Tony and pointed a finger towards the smaller man's face. " _You_ did something to him."

"What?" Tony wanted to laugh. "Excuse me but I have known him for years while you just suddenly appear here in LA. What happened to dear old Australia? Did your daddy dearest push you away? And Loki never told me about you. What gives you the right to be here, big guy?"

Thor sneered. He had no exact answers except for his gut feeling, and that was not something that would exactly give him the right to kiss someone else's boyfriend. Thor pushed Tony to the side and tried to walk away. Tony was not going to let that happen, though. He pulled Thor back and closed the door. He blocked it with his body and told Thor, "I'm possessive. Maybe you're the reason why he's so frightened of touch. I did cheat on him, but never did I force him into anything."

Those words triggered a deep memory inside Thor. However, Thor was not consciously aware of that memory. His soul, though, knew that memory very well. Rage covered Thor. He grabbed Tony by his collar and punched the man.

Minutes later, people were pulling Thor and Tony away from each other as both, especially Tony, were already bloody. Tony's nose already broke and blood was flowing down his nostrils.

+

Loki sat on the bed of a random motel. It was the first place that he saw where he could spend the night alone. He opened the TV and saw that it was all filled with porn. So Loki closed it and cursed as he fell back on his bed. He was in a cheap hotel, and he would have never entered it if he was not desperate to escape. But what was he escaping from? He took his phone from his pocket and turned it off before anyone, especially Tony, could track him down. When he put his phone down beside his head, he cursed for he did not have his laptop with him. So he opened his bag and took out a book, but the book's romance was strong that Loki pushed the book back into his bag.

"Why is life like this?" asked Loki. He was still crying but why exactly was he crying? Thor tried to kiss him. Kisses frightened him. But why could he not get over it? He was living a new life. He was no longer in WW2.

+

The door to the room opened. Loki's eyes opened and he sat up. The lights of the room was still open and Tony was breathing madly by the door. He groaned, "Do you know how hard it is for me to track you down?" He closed the door and walked over to Loki who scooted to the edge of the bed. "Don't be scared, babe, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at that fucking Thor." Thor sat beside Loki and rested his chin against his hand. "This is getting hard. Will you mind telling me what is up with you and Thor because that guy wouldn't really speak of it. Or maybe he did. All I remember is getting into a fist fight with him."

Loki hugged himself and turned away. He did not want to speak.

"Loki?"

"Go away, Anthony."

Tony's eyebrows arched. "You usually don't call me by that name unless you're angry at me. Tell me, what did I do wrong? It was you who was kissing Thor."

Loki stood up and glared at Tony. "I did not kiss him! He just came inside the room and kissed me!"

"How did you guys meet, Loki?" Tony stood up and crossed his arms against his chest. "I want the truth."

Loki shook his head and leaned against the wall. "I met him while I was in the Philippines. We were only together for a few days."

"But you've been in LA for almost a year or two now. I don't keep count. What, have you kept in touch with that big oaf?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "No, Tony. He helped me when I was having problems in the airport. I even owe him $700."

Tony's eyebrow rose and his head cocked to the side. "$700? Then that's probably why he's here. Let me take care of it."

"Tony-"

Tony took out his cellphone and dialed someone's number.

"Tony, Thor's loaded. That $700 was nothing for him. I doubt that-"

Tony raised a finger and Loki hushed. "Yes, this is Anthony Stark. I need you to transfer $1000 from my bank account to the account of Odin's son.... Yes, the Australian politician.... You know who I mean... Done? Oh, processing. Send me an email once it's done. Sorry to bother you this late at night. Give yourself a $100 tip from my bank account... Stop thanking me. It's nothing. Bye." Tony pushed the phone into his pocket and raised his hands in the air in a defensive stance. "I only did what I needed to do so that the bastard won't bother you again. Now, we done here?"

Loki sighed, sat back down, and buried his face in his hands.

"What? You didn't like what I did?"

"He's here, Tony."

"In the building?"

"No. In LA."

"He won't touch you while I'm here." Tony sat beside Loki and wrapped an arm around the man's shoulder. Loki leaned to Tony and wrapped an arm around Tony's waist. The two leaned to the pillows. The air around them seemed to have lightened as a soft breeze came in through the windows. Loki rubbed his nose against Tony's neck and Tony closed his eyes. A comfortable silence embraced them and they both fell asleep.

When morning came, Tony brought Loki back to their home.

+

Thor was lying on the bed in his hotel. Surrounding him were empty beer bottles. The whites of his eyes were red and his face was stained with tears as his blue eyes stared at the ceiling. Why couldn't he stop crying? Why couldn't he get rid of the empty, guilty feeling in his gut?

+

For the remainder of the Loki's shows, he constantly received bouquets of white tulips. Though the bouquet had no sender, Loki knew that it came from Thor. One night, as he sat in front of his mirror after the show, he stared at the white flowers. He took one in his hand and smelled it. White Tulips meant forgiveness, and Thor was looking for that. Loki let the flower down in front of him and stared at himself through the mirror. His fellow actors have already left and Tony was having a meeting so that meant that Loki would be walking home that night. Loki did not mind, though, he needed to be alone. As he stared at his reflection, he imagined Thor behind him, his hands on Loki's shoulders. Thor would probably be smiling at Loki through the mirror, and Thor would lean down to kiss Loki's cheeks. However, that was all in Loki's head. He covered his ears with his hands and shut his eyes. He tried to push the image of Thor away, but it would not leave his head.

Angry, Loki took the tulips and threw it to the trash.

+

Thor was on the phone with his father, saying, "Yes, I got a job here in LA, dad. I'll be home in a week to fix my papers. I know that I was only supposed to be here on vacation, but I got the offer." Odin said nothing but, _I'm happy to see you getting on the right track even if you did surprise me with that._ When the call ended, Thor walked down the streets of LA to look for an apartment. He had no plans of getting a job in the foreign city, but he felt as if he needed to stay close to Loki. He felt crazy, though, that he told no one about his feelings towards the actor.

+


	5. Slaughter Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki thought that it wouldn't happen again, but it did, and he was tired of having everything shatter in front of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter compared to the others, but I hoped that this would still please, you guys!

Thor sat on his recliner in his lonely apartment. The TV was on, a few bottles of beer were on the coffee table where his feet were lazily placed. A car sped outside his apartment, the sound of it echoing into the confines of the room. Thor ignored it, though, and as his phone rang, he ignored it as well. The show on TV was more important to him, it was an odd show, though - at least for him, it was. It was one of those shows that he found to be unfathomably boring. It was about a painter who was trying to escape his country for freedom for all forms of art has been banned in his dystopian home. However, Thor could not stop watching it despite all the references to painters who he only studied in school. It was because Loki was in it. Though not the star of the show, Loki was still amazing and Thor could not help but be drawn to the pale skin and thin lips. Thor took his beer and chugged it.

+

4am. Loki stretched his arms in the air and yawned. He was still in the studio and they just finished shooting. It was their last day on the set, and so they all found it reasonable to extend the time that late for it was all done. The director just wanted it to be perfect. The crew were starting to pack things up. All the last pictures were taken, and the lead actor went to Loki to embrace the man. Loki welcomed the embrace, not cringing for that was a touch that he did not fear. When the man let go of Loki, though, Loki quickly took his phone and decided to call Tony. He told his lover that he'd stay the night with a friend because they'll finish late and that he'll be home around noon the next day. Loki smiled and put the phone away. Maybe he could just surprise Tony. Loki walked to his friend and said that he would go home instead. The friend patted Loki's back and winked.

+

When Loki reached the gates of Stark mansion, Loki hid.

By the gates, two silhouettes were together whispering of such lewd promises that Loki could not hear. One of them was Tony, and the other one Steve, the man who Tony cheated with. Loki grasped the trunk of the tree that he was hiding behind and dug his nails into the bark, imagining that it was Tony's neck.

Tony flinched. He looked around, pushed Steve aside and looked behind him as well. Steve's eyebrow rose and he asked what was wrong. Tony shrugged his shoulders and said, "I could feel someone killing me right now. This isn't good. This isn't fucking good."

Loki smirked. He heard that.

Steve laughed. "You're paranoid. We've been doing this for a year now. Loki won't catch us. He's filming. He's a workaholic."

"Yeah. I probably am just scared." Tony leaned to Steve to plant a rather shy peck on the man's lips. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Steve placed his hands in the pocket and walked. Tony just stood there, crossing his arms across his chest as he watched his other lover walk away. That took minutes, though, for the subdivision was vast and Tony did not stop watching until Steve was out of his sight.

When Steve was finally gone, Tony turned to the tree where Loki was hiding at. Tony guiltily frowned and said, "I'm no psychic but I can feel you there. Come out, Loki." Tony fell on his knees for his heart tightened. Gasping, he clutched his shirt and stared at the tree, praying that Loki would stop his games.

Loki smirked before slowly walking to the side to expose himself. Tony was still on his knees and still panting. The sight made Loki laugh. However, tears were already forming in his eyes. "Did you have fun, Tony?"

"Loki, please, stop this!"

"Yes! I'll stop this alright!" Loki turned to the gates that quickly opened without a single touch. Tony's eyes widened. He tried to move, tried to say something, but he was frozen. Loki walked into the mansion in silence as Tony stayed still.

+++

Thor woke up in a cold sweat. His heart was beating badly and painfully against his tightening chest, his gut clenching. He reached for the bedside table and took out his phone where the time, 5:23am, flashed. It was half an hour before his morning jog before he would get ready for work, but it was Saturday. Thor sighed and placed his cell phone down. The morning sun shone through the window, its light colors illuminating his body on the bed. Something did not feel right, and so he stood up and started his little jog earlier than usual.

With his headphone on his ears, Thor sprinted down the streets. He stopped when he reached the subdivision of Tony Starks. It was an unfamiliar surrounding to him, and the guard by the gates ignored him as a normal jogger. Thor scratched his head, though, and wondered what made him go there. It was not his usual route, and he has only seen the subdivision in Tony's blog (which he stalks). Thor shrugged his shoulders and tried to run again. However, his legs froze. Walking to the gates of the subdivision with green eyes swollen with tears and a backpack on his back, a duffel bag hanging from his shoulder, was Loki. Thor was stunned. He just stared at Loki with a mind that was so blank that not a single word came through hi. Maybe there was a part of him that brought him there to the subdivision, a part of him that knew where he should be, a part of him which was telling him that it was time to mend his home.

Loki, his head lowered and his steps fast, kept on walking. The guard by the subdivision's gates tried to greet Loki, but Loki ignored him. He just walked until a body came to his view. Loki almost jumped, and he looked up to apologize to whoever it was who he almost bumped in to. He did not expect to see the scorching blue eyes of Thor.

"Loki?" said Thor with a hesitant tone to his voice. He wanted to ask what happened, and he wanted to hold Loki to give him some comfort. He was unsure, though. How would Loki react to that? Did Loki trust him enough? Or would Loki push him away? So Thor said, "Do you need help with those?"

Loki looked down again as the tears stung his eyes. He wanted Thor to hold him and to whisper comfort to his ear, but he could not ask that. He needed someone, though, but he yearned to be alone. Confusing, contradicting thoughts yelled in his head. He decided to follow the loudest voice. "Here," he handed the duffel bag to Thro who quickly took it from him. "Can you walk me over to Slaughter street?"

"Slaughter street? I don't like that name."

"Tony won't go there. I know him. I just need to be there. Okay?"

Thor swung the bag over his shoulder. A pang of jealousy and anger came through him. He was sure that Tony hurt Loki, and there was nothing more that he wanted at that moment but to find the man and beat him until he learned his lesson. However, Loki needed him. He can just go back to Tony later on. So he nodded and said, "I'll be with you."

+++

Tony stumbled into his garage. His right hand was clutching his keys, but his left hand was clutching his head. He just managed to escape Loki's spell that kept him on his knees for an hour. How Loki managed to that, Tony did not know. He cursed, though, for Loki spent his mornings meditating. Tony never disturbed him, and never did he even asked what Loki was doing or practicing. Loki assured him, though, that he was only cleansing the negative energy and that he would never try to do anything remotely evil However, Loki did warn Tony that things tended to happen whenever he was angry. Tony should have known that Loki was getting stronger, for every time that Loki wished for something, it happened. Sometimes, it was not exact but things would happen. Loki once wished that he would get the lead role for the play, he got the supporting. Loki wished to win that TV from that raffle, and Loki won. Was Loki even aware of his growing powers? Tony did not know. He groaned, though, and fell against the cold wall. His head was throbbing as the migraine was eating him. The last time he had a migraine was years ago, and Loki knew that it was the thing that Tony hated the most for it always managed to make him immobile. Tony cursed himself for revealing that to Loki. He was not going to be stopped, though. He made his way into his car and started the engine. He was going to find Loki.

+++

Thor threw the duffel bag to the bed and glared at Loki who placed his backpack against the table. Quietly, Loki took out his phone, his iTouch, headphones, and his dark colored laptop. Loki quickly opened the laptop and tapped the password into it with his long, slender fingers. When the desktop showed, Thor cringed. It was a picture of Loki and Tony sitting together in a park. It was cliché, but Thor wanted that with Loki. In less than two minutes, though, the wallpaper changed into that of a dark angel, with feathered wings that were falling to the dirty ground. Thor cringed again. Then iTunes appeared, and soon soothing piano music started playing. Loki straightened his stance and pulled away from the laptop, his eyes never leaving the screen. Thor bit his lower lip. He was not sure if Loki was aware that he was still there, he was not even sure of what it was that he could ask the man that would keep Loki with him. Would it even be proper for him to ask what happened even if it was somehow obvious? Thor cleared his throat. Loki turned to him. His green eyes were still swollen, but the tears have already dried. It made Thor frown. If he was with Loki, he would never make those beautiful eyes weep in pain. A small voice inside of him told him, though, that he caused much more tears than Tony.

"Yes, Thor?" said Loki. "Oh, I'm sorry. I dragged you all the way here. Thank you for your help. I appreciate it."

"You're staying at a motel," said Thor, "do you have anywhere else to stay?"

"I'll look for an apartment today."

Thor scratched the back of his head. Without thinking, he said, "You should've told me that earlier. My apartment's pretty big. You could always..."

Thor drifted away as he realized what he was suggesting. Loki stared with no change in his stoic expression. He knew what Thor wanted, and he was frightened. Thor had already hurt him before, in lives that only he was aware of. Thor would only hurt him again. So Loki shook his head.

"You won't need to pay anything!" shouted Thor. "I can cover you."

Loki, still, shook his head. "I'm not a hungry artist, Thor."

"You'll be safe from Tony."

Loki stared, Thor stared. They both stared at each other with unsaid words but with hearts that wanted to break down and cry. When the song playing from Loki's laptop stopped and changed to another song, Loki sighed. He turned back to the laptop and embraced himself. He has never felt so alone. Yes, he was doing what he wanted but he had no one. Tony was not to be trusted again, his friends all knew Tony, his family was in different states and countries, and here was Thor who he just wanted to forget. However, something seemed to be bringing them back together. Maybe it was that stupid thing called destiny, but Loki did not believe in that. He stopped believing in miracles centuries ago, in old lives that are fighting to be acknowledged.

"Loki, I won't do anything to hurt you. If you want, I won't even talk to you."

Loki shook his head.

"I'll buy you a fucking grand piano!"

Loki's face lit up. _Yes._ He needed a piano. His heart was breaking due to the heartache and he was yearning for his art to help him escape reality. He needed to enter that special realm of his.

"Loki, please! I'll even buy you some canvasses and paint."

Loki slowly turned to Thor with a subtle smirk on his face. "You tempt me so."

"Is that a yes?"

Loki seriously did not want to accept the offer, but his fingers were itching and his soul was dying for his release. Loki was torn, so he decided to gamble. "Can you buy me that grand piano now?"

"Yes!"

Loki's eyes widened. Then, he smiled. "Shall we go now?"

Thor smiled. Inside, though, he cried. His father would not be happy with his purchase.


End file.
